


The road to hell is paved with candy corn

by lireside



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: And There's Only One Bed, Crack, FFVII Halloween Week 2020, Gen, Haunted House, Humor, Suspense, a lot of swearing, some aerti subtext because I can't help myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27310291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lireside/pseuds/lireside
Summary: Friday, January 13th, εγλ 0008. Full moon, stormy skies. An impromptu road trip leads to a multi-night stay in the abandoned, derelict Shinra Manor. The gang isn't happy about it. Neither are the manor's inhabitants.(In which Cid swears up a storm, Cait Sith is AFK, and Aerith relishes in the blood of her enemies)For FFVII Halloween Week 2020, day seven: free day.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	The road to hell is paved with candy corn

**Author's Note:**

> Ya'll watch What We Do In The Shadows? Listen to _Don't Leave Me This Way_ by Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes while you read the third act of this fic. WWDITS fans will understand.

Monday, January 9th, εγλ 0008

The Tiny Bronco was a piece of shit.

"You piece of shit!" Cid kicked the engine with the front of his steel-toed boot. "I should've let Shinra take you!"

Hours of tedious tinkering hadn't done the trick. Tools were scattered all over every spare surface of the plane; Cid's blows sent them sliding into the ocean below. The others stood on the shore, watching his temper tantrum with wide eyes.

"No wonder it broke down," Barret muttered. "Thing's not supposed to be a boat!" he yelled at Cid, who kicked it harder in response.

Yuffie shrugged. "I'm amazed it lasted as long as it did, to be honest."

The longer the Bronco sat there, mocking them with its uselessness, the harder Cid's blows got. "Cid," Tifa called, "I don't think that'll fix anything—“

Too late. The Bronco's engine made a screeching sound that made them all rush to cover their ears. Cid, stunned by the noise, lost his footing and went tumbling into the ocean below. After a few seconds of splashing and cursing, he emerged, looking like a pissed-off drowned rat.

"Fuck it!" he sputtered. "We need to think of something else." He gestured angrily to the town behind them. "They're definitely not gonna have the parts I need in _that_ shithole."

Gongaga sat behind them, off into the distance, looking like a derelict wasteland. They'd already been there once before, and they knew very well what it offered — which was nothing at all, other than expired potions, dull weapons and uncomfortable questions about missing, long-dead sons. Honestly, though. What choice did they have?

"Well, we're not accomplishing anything by standing here," Aerith chirped. "Let's go!"

And so they went, leaving the Tiny Bronco to its watery grave. A few hours later, they found their solution: a crappy pick-up truck, chipped and stained, smelling vaguely of motor oil and stale smoke, covered in construction dust and scorch marks. It looked like it had been at the center of the mako reactor blast (or very close to it, at least). "It's got 250,000 miles on it," the seller said. "Two hundred gil."

Cloud frowned and glanced at Barret, who shrugged. "I can do..." he muttered, rustling through his wallet, "... fifteen."

"Perfect, great, that'll do," the seller rushed, eagerly pushing the keys into Cloud's hands. "All yours!"

They converged in the center of town. "This is the best we've got," Barret said to the others, trying his best to sound chipper. He slapped the hood of the truck, whose underside smacked the ground in response. "We can definitely fit in this bad boy. Right?"

They tried. Really, they tried. Tifa took the wheel. Aerith sat in the passenger's seat and tried to make sense of the massive map on her lap. The others piled into the back and tried not to touch each other. Barret took up half of the bed, while Cloud and Cid took up the other half. Cait Sith and Yuffie sat on the roof and held onto the rack for dear life, watching the horizon as they (slowly) drove off into the great beyond. Red reluctantly laid on top of Cloud, bereft of options, trying not to sting him with his flaming tail.

"I should've stayed in the lab," he muttered. He covered his ears with his paws. Sugary pop tunes poured out of the open windows, assaulting the others, who had no choice but to sit there and endure it. The radio was broken; Aerith had found a handful of CDs wedged underneath the passenger's seat.

Yuffie gasped. "How are we going to get to Wutai with this thing?" she asked, wide-eyed, as if the thought had just dawned on her. "It's an _island_."

"We'll fuckin' figure it out, I don't know." Cid pulled his jacket over his head and stretched out. "Don't talk to me until we get there."

Cloud scrunched up as Cid's gangly legs violated his personal space. "Asshole," he muttered.

* * *

Wednesday, January 11th, εγλ 0008

The drive to Wutai was a long one, mostly due to the fact that the old truck couldn't go any faster than 40 miles per hour. Thirty hours of driving laid ahead of them (or so Aerith estimated, trying to glean the information — _any_ information — from the faded, outdated map they'd bought for two gil back in Gongaga), and there wasn't a single town in sight. They camped overnight and slept in tents, trying to find shelter under every bare tree, short cliff and tiny bush. During the day, they huddled together in a mess of tangled, sunburnt limbs, and begged Tifa and Aerith to change the music to _anything_ else. They quickly ran out of ways to pass the time. Their playing cards flew away in the wind; they quickly worked through their books; nobody could figure out what '"cute critter", six across' was in Cait Sith's crossword puzzle (it was "moogle"); Tifa sped by the monsters too quickly for any of them to get a good whack in. Their camaraderie quickly turned sour, and they began despising each other's company more and more with every passing second.

"It's not that I don't like you," Barret insisted, "I'm just sick of looking at you. It's not personal!"

" _Likewise_ ," Red hissed.

"Would you all shut the hell up?" Cid scratched his red, peeling face. "You're making me regret joining you!"

Cloud grunted in agreement. What would’ve happened if he'd turned down Tifa's job offer? He could've bought a better truck with all that mercenary money—

"Wow, those clouds looks dark,” Tifa said, pointing to the horizon in front of them.

"I thought we'd get to fight, like, cool monsters and stuff," Yuffie moaned, rubbing her rosy cheeks. "I didn't sign up for this."

"Don't any of you give a shit about the Planet?" Barret asked, appalled. "Or, y'know, the maniac we're chasing—"

"To Wutai?" Cid interrupted. "We're just fucking around at this point. You really think he's in fucking Wutai?"

"Sephiroth's probably slaughtering millions right now," Cloud muttered, "and we're stuck here."

They hit a particularly hard bump. Cait Sith flew off the roof and landed in the middle of the truck bed, hitting the lone patch of unoccupied space with a loud _thunk_. He laid there, face-down, not moving an inch.

"Is he even there?" Cloud asked.

"He hasn't said anything for hours now," Yuffie said.

"I bet this jackass went AWOL," Barret muttered. He picked up Cait Sith's vacant body and gave it a good shake. "Yep. Completely empty."

The five of them fixed Cait Sith with a withering, jealous glare. They'd give anything to be anywhere but here.

"This looks really familiar..." Tifa frowned. "Where are we?"

"Um." Aerith rifled through the map. "... We're near Rocket Town. I think."

"I don't think so," Tifa insisted. "That's Mt. Nibel."

The sky gradually grew darker as black clouds rolled in from the west. The sound of rumbling thunder accompanied the sound of the crappy truck, which began screeching, louder and louder, with every passing mile. The sound went unnoticed by the others, who were busy plotting the details of Cait Sith's demise. Yuffie gripped the rooftop bars and braced herself against the quickening wind.

"We should throw his body overboard," Cloud hissed. "Fuck him."

Red, who was usually the voice of reason, stayed completely silent. Barret shrugged, not caring much either way. Cloud picked Cait Sith up by the back of his cape and cocked his arm, preparing to fling him into the abyss—

_Bang!_

The truck came to a screeching halt. The force of the impact launched all of them forward, including Yuffie, who lost her grip and flew off the roof, bouncing off the truck's hood and landing on the ground below. Barret yelped as Cait Sith's limp body hit his face and shattered his sunglasses.

"What was that?" Cait Sith asked, suddenly coming back to life. Barret peeled him off of his face and cursed. "What's going on?"

"Is everybody okay?" Aerith asked. Luckily, she and Tifa were wearing seatbelts.

They rest of them were a bit shaken, but otherwise fine. They'd certainly been through worse. "Think so," Cloud replied. "What happened?"

"Um," Tifa muttered, "I'm not sure." She got out of the truck and walked to the front. Aerith climbed out and offered her hand to Yuffie, who immediately ran to the back to check on her bag of Materia. "Cid?" Tifa called. "Can you give me a hand?"

Together, they took a look under the hood. A giant plume of black smoke rose from the engine. Tifa reeled back and coughed. "I blew the engine.”

"Yeah, you sure did," Cid groaned. " _Fuck_."

"What does that mean? Are we stranded?" Yuffie asked.

"Stranded?" Red pointed his nose to the west. "There's a town right there."

In the distance, nestled between snowy mountains, was Nibelheim. The tiny town was shrouded in darkness from the oncoming storm. As Cloud and Tifa glanced at it, apprehensive, tiny droplets began falling from the sky, bouncing off the truck's surface.

"We better get pushin'," Cid said. Tifa scrambled into the truck and shifted it into neutral. "Let's go!"

* * *

By the time they arrived in Nibelheim, they were soaking wet.

They left the broken truck just outside of town — nobody was likely to steal it, shitty as it was — and hiked to the inn, on the hunt for somewhere warm to sleep. "Thank goodness," Tifa said, as she raced up the inn's front steps, "I'd kill for a shower."

Everybody echoed that sentiment. After days of mottling in the sun, their body odor ranged from mildly offensive to absolutely abhorrent. They huddled in the front entrance, stinking of mold and misery, and prepared to fight each other for the first turn in the shower.

"For..." the innkeeper glanced at Red, then at Cait Sith, a look of confusion growing on her face. "Six—" Red growled. "Uh, eight people? Two thousand gil."

“ _Two thousand_? You're kidding me!" Barret barked.

"Sorry." The innkeeper shrugged, not sounding very sorry at all. "It's the storm of the century. Everybody's lookin' for shelter. Besides, it's my last room."

"Storm of the century?" Tifa asked. "What does that mean?"

"You haven't heard? Where the hell have you been?"

The others huddled behind Tifa and pulled out their wallets. "I have two gil," Cid whispered. "I spent the rest on smokes."

"I have..." Yuffie rifled through her bag and pulled out a handful of Materia and a few stray pieces of lint. She quickly put the Materia back before anybody could estimate their selling price. "I've got nothin'."

"We've been—" Tifa thought back to the mess they'd left outside of town and grimaced. "It doesn't matter," she insisted, waving her hand. "Go on."

"Well, like I said, biggest storm of the century—"

Aerith rifled through her dress pockets and pulled out a handful of wrapped hard candy. "We could sell these?"

"They're cherry, nobody likes cherry." Cid sighed. "We're fucked."

"I like cherry," Cloud said.

"—You could stay at the manor," the innkeeper said. "It's free for the taking. 'Course, you gotta mind the rats—"

 _That_ grabbed their attention. "What?" Cloud objected, striding up to the desk. "Hell no."

"Come on, we grew up here," Tifa pouted. "This is our _childhood home_. Can't you help us out?"

As soon as she said that, the door flew open. The screeching wind blew the innkeeper's paperwork asunder. "Hey," the newcomer said — a drenched, miserable labourer, covered in wet soot. "Got a room?"

“Three thousand gil." The labourer smacked his wallet down without even thinking about it. "Sorry," she said, turning back to Tifa, “we're all full."

* * *

They reluctantly left the dry, warm inn and ventured outside. The weather had somehow gotten _even worse_ during the five minutes they were indoors — screeching winds, loud claps of thunder that shook the ground, and torrential rain that blew sideways, obscuring their view of the town. Only Cloud's quick reflexes kept Cait Sith from blowing away in the wind; he grabbed his cape and tucked him under his arm.

"Everybody hold hands!" Tifa reached for Aerith and Cloud, the people closest to her. Red didn't have hands, so Barret grabbed him and slung him over his shoulder. "Let's go!"

They made their way across town, one step at a time, bracing themselves against the elements. People's unsecured belongings flew across the town square, threatening to squash them to bits. They dodged lawn chairs, tables, children's toys and gardening tools as they made their way to the empty manor at the edge of town. A pair of shears flew towards Aerith, nearly taking out her eye, before flying past her and hitting the water tower instead.

Tifa and Cloud's trepidation blew away with the wind. They were so desperate for shelter that they didn't even stop to consider what they were potentially walking into: what the manor contained (rats, apparently), what had happened within it (murder, probably), and the notorious reputation it had had amongst their neighbours growing up. The only thing that mattered was that it was _dry_ , which was a very persuasive detail indeed, for they had never been more drenched in their lives.

The front doors were, thankfully, unlocked. The manor was certainly dry — minus a few leaks in the roof, dripping rainwater onto the floors — but it was ice cold. They collected in the foyer and glanced at their visible breath with dread. "Jeez," Yuffie muttered, shivering from head to toe, "where did that storm come from?"

Tifa wrung her hair out, not giving a damn about messing up the manor's floors. Her teeth chattered as she spoke. "I've never seen that kind of weather in Nibelheim before."

"Maybe we're cursed!" Aerith exclaimed.

Cloud wasn't usually an auspicious person, but they _had_ been dealt a very shitty hand. He shrugged. "Makes sense."

Barret reached for the light switch. The gaudy chandelier came to life, dousing them in a murky, yellow light that made them all look sickly. The manor's threadbare furniture and peeling wallpaper didn't look much better either. "So we've got power, but no heat," he said.

Cid nodded. "Furnace must be broken." He thumped Cloud on the back. "Let's go check it out. This place has a basement, right? Show us.”

Cid and Barret dragged Cloud away before he could object. "We'll check out the bedrooms!" Tifa yelled. "Maybe they have fireplaces?" she said to the others.

Barret led Cid and Cloud up the massive staircase. They left muddy footprints in their wake. "Basement door's on the second floor," Barret explained as they walked to the east wing. "Yeah, I know it's weird."

"This entire place is weird," Cid said. They reached the hidden staircase and peered inside, taking in the sight of the seemingly bottomless pit. The stairs were thin and brittle, barely wide enough to accommodate them; one wrong step and they'd fall to their doom. "Know what I mean? Feels like something's crawling up your spine."

"Yeah, that's the ghosts," Cloud muttered.

Cid turned to him. "The _fuck_ does that mean?"

"Nothing, let's go." Cloud pushed past him and led the charge down the rickety staircase. His demons may have been ever present, but they were _freezing_.

The basement was exactly the same as it had been weeks ago — dank, dark, depressing, smelling of mold and failed science experiments. The laboratory laid to the south; the library to the north. Rotten wooden doors lined the corridor. Cloud did his best to ignore the brief flashes of white light that appeared in his peripheral vision. "Look for a locked door," Cid instructed. "They usually lock the utility room to keep people from fucking with it."

"How do you know all this?" Barret asked.

"Used to repair furnaces as a kid." Cid shrugged. "Pocket money. Spent it all on smokes." He opened a door and peeked inside before moving onto the next one.

They moved down the hallway, jiggling the door handles as they went. All opened, except for one. "This must be it," Barret said. "Sealed right shut."

"Don't we need a key to get in?" Cloud asked.

Barret shook his head. "Nah, the door's rotten. Watch this." Cloud and Cid stood back as he delivered a heavy kick to the lock. The sound of the door breaking open echoed through the empty corridor.

* * *

Tifa, Aerith, Yuffie, Red and Cait Sith (riding on Red's back) made their way through the rest of the manor. Yuffie, Red and Cait Sith moved to the second floor, looking for bedrooms, while Tifa and Aerith nosed around the papers piled in the living room on the first floor. Maybe they could burn them?

"There's some really messed up stuff in here." Tifa wrinkled her nose. She skipped on her feet to keep herself warm. "'Test subject number one died shortly after injection—'"

Aerith sifted through the papers and found a key underneath them. She showed it to Tifa, who frowned.

"Weird place to keep a key, but okay," Tifa shrugged. "Maybe it'll come in handy?"

Aerith slid it into her pocket and kept skimming through the papers. One note in particular grabbed her attention. The handwriting was eerily familiar.

_I must get rid of all those_

_that stand in the way of my research._

_Even that one from the Turks._

"We found the bedrooms!" Yuffie called. "They're in the west wing!"

"Tifa, look at this." Aerith passed her the note.

_I scientifically altered him,_

_and put him in the basement._

_If you want to find him, then search the area_.

Tifa's eyes bugged out of her skull. "What?" she said, staring at the note. "What does _that_ mean?"

* * *

There was no furnace in the room. There was, however, a sealed coffin sitting where a furnace might theoretically be (if it existed). It sat in the center of the room, surrounded by other open coffins, each displaying a grisly-looking skeleton. The room omitted a decaying odor that stung their nostrils, making them rush to cover their noses.

"What the hell?" Cid said. "That's not a furnace."

Barret side-eyed him. "Yeah, no shit."

Cloud didn't know why, but he really wanted to look in that coffin. Had the storm rotted his brain? Probably. Had it done the same to the others? Most definitely, since they did nothing to stop him. They stood back and watched, wary, as Cloud pushed the coffin lid off with the tip of his sword.

"... To wake me from this nightmare."

A man sat up. It took them a moment to focus on his features in the dim light. He was dishevelled, disgruntled, with wrinkly clothes and messy hair; he looked _alive_ , as if he had merely been taking a nap (but not a good one, considering the bags under his eyes). The three of them slowly reached for their weapons, not knowing what to expect from this... person.

The man's voice sounded like it hadn't been used in years. "What is it?" 

"Um." Cloud grasped for words. "H-Hi. I'm Cloud. This is Cid and Barret."

Barret waved. "H-Hey."

The man fixed them with a steely, suspicious glare. His red eyes glowed in the dark. How was that possible? "... Never seen you before," he rasped. "Please leave."

"Yeah, we can't do that right now, there's a storm," Cloud said. "Do you know where the furnace is?"

He blinked. "What?"

"The furnace," Cloud clarified. "Do you know where it is? We think it's broken. Aren't you cold?"

The man stared at them. Cloud stared back, trying his best not to blink. His palms grew sweaty, making it difficult to grip his sword. Just as Barret was about to unleash his gun, the man slowly descended back into the coffin. He dragged the coffin lid with him, sealing himself back inside, as if he had never been disturbed in the first place.

Cloud, Cid and Barret glanced at each other, trying to digest what they had just seen. The strange encounter had only served to make them more on edge. "Well, that was weird," Barret croaked, holding onto his gun-arm for dear life. "Let's go look—"

A bang sounded from the other room. The three of them screamed like banshees.

" _Fuck it!_ " Cid high-tailed it out of the 'utility room.' "Let's just grab some shit to burn and go!"

They ran in separate directions. Barret and Cid went to the lab. Cloud bolted into the library, pausing briefly at the spot where Sephiroth had hurled the Materia at his head, before moving on and grabbing every book he could carry. He ran out and met Barret and Cid at the staircase. Their arms were full of scientific journals, loose papers and other flammable objects. They scrambled up the rickety steps as fast as their cold, weak limbs could carry them.

* * *

The bedroom hallway was just off the front foyer. Aerith, Tifa, Yuffie, Red and Cait Sith worked their way down the long corridor, inspecting the rooms. So far, every single room had something wrong with it. Aerith opened a door and immediately closed it once she heard the tell-tale skittering of rats.

"Is that _blood_?" Tifa gasped. Red yelped as his paws squished on the wet carpet. Cait Sith went limp and slid off of Red's back, landing face-first in the damp patch of red mystery goo.

"This one's a no go!" Yuffie yelled from the other end of the hallway. "Got slugs in it!"

Aerith moved on to another room. _This_ one was host to an entire nest of... something. Spiders? They were much bigger than the ones she was used to seeing. They had a colony on the bed, and Aerith shut the door in horror.

Tifa ran off to check another room, leaving Red to take care of Cait Sith. "You _useless_ —" Red growled as he dragged Cait Sith's lifeless body out of the goo room. "You _coward_ —"

The next bedroom wasn't a bedroom at all. A sign, crudely drawn with crayon and computer paper, labeled it as the "fun room". Aerith reluctantly opened the door, nausea brewing in her stomach, but found the room to be perfectly normal. It was a break room of some kind. Why was it in the same hallway as the bedrooms? Aerith had no idea, and she wasn't about to ask.

There was a kitchenette in the far corner, tucked behind some card tables. Aerith tore through the cupboards, eager for snacks, readily ignoring the fact that anything she found in there would be years old (and probably cursed in some way) — they hadn't eaten anything substantial in days, she couldn't help herself — but found nothing but a toolbox, a first-aid kit, and a large transparent container labelled "Shinra Halloween Fun Shindig Day 1985!!!" Inside were a bunch of tacky decorations, cheap costumes, and dozens and dozensof bags of candy corn. 

She grabbed the container and brought it back with her. It'd be good for a laugh, she supposed.

* * *

Cloud, Cid and Barret scrambled out of the stairwell. They were tired, short of breath, and shivering with cold and fear. The sight of the second floor and its mundane decorations provided them with much-needed relief. They relished in the sight of the dull yellow glow until it suddenly went out, smothering them in darkness.

Cloud stopped in his tracks, causing Cid and Barret to collide with him. They fell to the ground in a mess of tangled limbs and rotting books. "Where the hell did the light go?!" Barret yelled.

Cloud shoved Cid off of him and got up. He felt the far wall, searching for the light switch, and found it — to be useless. Nothing happened, no matter how many times he flicked it. "Power's out."

"You gotta be kidding me," Barret groaned. "I'm _not_ going back down there!"

Lightning struck, giving them a brief view of each other's stricken faces. Thunder shook the manor, knocking dust off the ceiling. Cid and Barret laid back down in defeat, covered in grime. Could this day get any worse?

"Hey!"

Barret hissed as somebody shined a flashlight _right_ into his eyes.

"Sorry," Tifa said. "You guys alright? We heard you yelling."

Tifa, Aerith and Yuffie stood in the doorway, flashlights in hand. "Yeah, we're fine," Cloud said. "What's with the hat, Aerith?"

"Oh, this?" Aerith patted her new witch's hat. She'd taken out her ponytail to accommodate it. "I found it in the fun room."

"The _hell_ is—" Barret stopped himself. "Nevermind, I don't wanna know."

"What's with the books?" Yuffie asked.

"Brought them up to burn," Cloud said.

"What about the furnace?" Aerith asked.

Cid shook his head. "It's broken." He gave an exaggerated shrug. "Someone took a hammer to the thing. Completely unrepairable. Total write-off."

Cloud and Barret nodded their heads, backing up the lie without a second thought. "Yeah, it was awful," Barret sighed. "Thing was broken into pieces."

"I don't know a ton about furnaces, but that doesn't seem right," Tifa frowned.

"Well, like you said, you don't know anything." Cid brushed himself off. "What's for—"

"What about the guy in the basement?" Aerith said.

The three men froze and glanced at each other. "... What guy?" Barret croaked.

"The _guy_ ," Tifa clarified. "We found a note—"

"Nope, didn't find anyone down there," Cid said. "Nothin' down there but some shattered furnaces and dusty bones. Right, Cloud?

Cloud shivered. He could still feel the man's piercing gaze. He'd give anything to stay away from that basement. "Y-yeah, nope. Nothing."

"What's for dinner?" Cid asked, eager to change the subject.

"Yeah, about that," Tifa muttered. She turned to Aerith, who held up a bag of candy corn.

* * *

They picked Barret as the sacrifice. He was the biggest, and therefore the least likely to fly away in the wind — or so they thought.

" _Shit!_ " Barret grabbed onto the front door as the wind tried its best to toss him aside. Fear swooped in his stomach as his feet lifted off the ground. He reached for Cloud, who reached for Tifa, who reached for Aerith, all the way down to Red, who grabbed Cid's shirt and pulled.

Barret flew back into the foyer, knocking the others down like a set of dominoes. They laid there, heads pounding, ears ringing, as the front door slammed shut, sealing them back inside.

"Guess we've got no choice..." Aerith groaned.

They made their way back to the two bedrooms that Tifa's group had found; one for the boys, one for the girls. There wasn't anything wrong with them (from what they could tell) besides the same moldy smell that permeated throughout the rest of the house. They gathered in the girls' room and lit the fire with the old books they'd found in the basement. They wrapped themselves in threadbare blankets and ate their dinner while their clothes dried elsewhere.

Cid, clad in only an undershirt and boxers, stared at the off-color candy in his hands. "I can't believe my life had led me to this moment."

"Me neither, buddy." Barret thumped him on the back. "Me neither."

They finished their dinner of stale candy corn (most of which went uneaten) and went their separate ways. The men went off into their own room and lit the fireplace. Cloud, Barret and Cid climbed into the queen size bed while Red threw Cait Sith's vacant body into a corner. He settled at the foot of the bed while the other three fidgeted, fighting for space.

They weren't used to sleeping in such close quarters. Before Nibelheim, they'd always had enough money for two hotel rooms; even while camping, they still had some semblance of personal space. Now Cloud had to deal with Barret accidentally elbowing him in the ribs, and in that moment, he hated that man.

"Hopefully nothing tries to kill us in our sleep," Barret mumbled.

"Don't fucking say that," Cid hissed. "Now something's _definitely_ going to try and kill us in our sleep."

Even with that thought in mind, none of them could fight off their fatigue. Every noise faded into the background as they began to doze off. The thunder; the rain; the skittering of spiders in the next bedroom over; the howling that was probably just the wind, but sounded an awful lot like screams. None of them were particularly sound sleepers, but their exhaustion dragged them under. Cloud sighed and snuggled into his blanket. Hopefully he wouldn't dream of anything bad tonight—

_Crash!_

Something flew through the window.

All hell broke loose.

Barret screamed and bolted up out of bed. He tripped on his blankets and landed on the floor, only inches away from the object of their nightmares — a car tire, surrounded by shards of broken glass. Cloud jumped onto his feet, operating purely on instinct, and smashed his head through the ceiling. Cid ran around the bed and tripped over their duffle bags, landing face-first on top of the glass. Red growled at the tire and shredded the blankets with his paws.

"Hey!" Somebody pounded on the door and jiggled the lock. "Hey! What was that? Hello?"

Tifa punched through the door before any of them had a chance to respond. Aerith, Tifa and Yuffie burst into the room, weapons in hand. Yuffie, hopped up on adrenaline, threw her shuriken without a second thought and launched it through the broken window. "Damn!" she hissed. "Well, that thing's a goner."

"Is everybody okay?" Tifa asked. The girls took in the chaos in front of them — Cloud, nursing a headache, hair dirty with dust from the hole in the ceiling; Barret, still in a heap on the floor, dripping wet from the rain; Cid, cursing at his bloodied face; Red, growling at the tire as if it were the strongest of enemies.

"Yeah, fine," Cloud groaned, clutching his head. "Can we stay with you?"

They looked at each other and shrugged. "Well, you definitely can't stay in here," Tifa said. "Sure."

They decided to board up the other bedroom's window. Tifa and Barret ran into the other room while Aerith fetched the toolbox she'd found in the fun room. The weird-smelling bed frames made for the perfect material. Barret dragged the mattress off and tore off the wood panels while Tifa boarded the window up with a hammer. The others grabbed the boys' mattress (which was still intact, thank goodness) and dragged it into the other room, forming a giant futon with the girls’ mattress.

Cid tore up the rest of the bed frames for firewood. Yuffie rigged the bedroom door with traps. A chair underneath the doorknob finished the job. The room was as secure as it was ever going to get — which wasn't much at all, really, but they were quite used to constant peril.

They grabbed the blankets (that Red hadn't shredded) and arranged themselves on the pseudo-futon. It was a bit of a tight fit, but that was fine. Gone were their notions of personal space; they spooned each other like a bunch of bananas, taking comfort in each other's presence (and the weapons that circled their bed). They still smelled a little bit rank, but their olfactory senses quickly got used to the scent of nasty body odor.

Red laid at the edge of the bed. Yuffie absent-mindedly played with his fur. Surprisingly, he didn't object. "I was thinking," she said, stifling a yawn, "do you think that innkeeper inflates her prices because she knows people won't want to stay here?"

Behind her, Aerith shrugged. A few feet down, Barret shifted, accidentally elbowing Cloud in the back of the head (whose head bumped into Tifa's, then Aerith's, then Yuffie's, all the way down to Red, who growled). "Sorry," he muttered, as Cloud clutched his head and swore. "Y'know what? Yeah. I bet she does."

"It's what I'd do if I were her," Yuffie said. "I'd rob them blind. Load up the manor with rats to prove my point."

Behind Barret, Cid grunted. "Of course you would, you little shit," he muttered. "Now go to sleep."

They shifted and fidgeted until they got comfortable. Tifa pulled Aerith closer to her, on the brink of sleep, until she gasped. "We left Cait Sith in there!"

Nobody moved an inch. "Fuck him," Cloud murmured against Tifa's shoulder. "That's what he gets for not being present for all this shit."

Everybody mumbled in agreement. Cloud had a point. They drifted off, content in the knowledge that Cait Sith had it coming.

* * *

Thursday, January 12th, εγλ 0008

The storm kept going, punishing Nibelheim with everything it had. What on earth had the town done to deserve this? Tifa couldn't help but wonder if the storm had come to cleanse the blood that stained Nibelheim's floors. Everything went back to Sephiroth, she supposed.

Daytime was now indistinguishable from night. Only Tifa's wristwatch revealed the hour. It was 1 PM, apparently, but it could have just as easily been midnight.

Tifa's chest burned. She sat up and smothered her coughs with the crook of her elbow. Her friends laid around her, clutching each other in their sleep. Cloud tugged on her arm, trying to get her to lay back down, before giving up and snuggling Barret instead. Tifa gingerly crawled off the bed and threw her blankets over their tangled bodies. Their noisy, nasally snores made a strange kind of music that filled her with determination. She couldn't let them eat any more of that cursed candy corn.

The storm had died down enough that she could get around without fear of dismemberment. The general store shelves were nearly empty, having been stripped bare by the panicked townspeople, but there were still some options that were better than twenty-year-old candy corn. She grabbed some fig bars, plain cereal, ramen packets and nearly-expired lunch meat and brought them to the counter.

"Good thing you came when you did," the clerk said. "Storm's about to pick back up."

"Oh good," Tifa muttered.

"You the guys stayin' at the haunted manor?"

Tifa frowned as the description — was it really _haunted_? — and shrugged. "It's been..." She thought back to the broken window. "... interesting."

"I'll let you in on a little secret," the clerk whispered. "The innkeeper'll kick somebody out if you pay her enough. Around 4,000 gil."

"In this storm?" Tifa gasped. "That's horrible!"

The clerk shrugged. "Just lettin' you know," she drawled. "Fifteen gil."

Even if they wanted to, they didn't have the money. Tifa could barely afford the food as it was. She grabbed her bag and left in a huff. Her bones had barely warmed before she threw herself back into the freezing elements. By the time she got back to the manor, she was shaking in her boots.

She went through the front door and collided with Cloud and Aerith, who were both on their way out. They were fully decked out with weapons, flashlights and outdoor gear — Aerith had borrowed (or stolen) Cid's pilot jacket to keep herself warm. "There you are!" Cloud said. "Where the hell did you go?!"

"To get food," Tifa said. She handed Cloud the bag and sneezed into her elbow. Aerith took the jacket off and draped it over Tifa's shoulders. "Where are the others?"

"We told them to stay behind." Aerith grimaced. "They're not feeling too hot."

"They were gonna make lunch for when we got back," Cloud said.

Tifa blinked. "Make lunch? With _what?_ "

The rest of the gang, still wrapped in their threadbare blankets, had congregated in the downstairs kitchen. The kitchen, unlike the one in the fun room, was outfitted with every appliance one might need to make a good meal (though most of them didn't work without power — the stove, thankfully, ran on natural gas). Barret, Cid, Yuffie, Red and Cait Sith (who was alive now, apparently) studied the candy corn on the kitchen island and discussed the limited ways they could make it palatable. The candlelight danced off of their faces, making them look like a dramatic council of elders, voting on the candy corn's fate.

Yuffie's voice was noticeably hoarse. "Alright, so we've got—" She counted on her fingers. "Candy corn. Salt packets. Hard cherry candy. That bottle of barbecue sauce we found in the glovebox—"

"Barbecue sauce?" Barret croaked.

"Yeah." Yuffie reached into her bag and pulled out a dark-brown bottle. "The barbecue sauce."

Red and Cait Sith glanced at each other. They were lucid, unlike the rest of their teammates. "Yuffie, that says 'ranch'," Cait Sith said. "That's ranch sauce."

"What? No it doesn't—" Yuffie looked at the label and blanched. "Oh..."

Barret swiped the bottle out of her hands and looked at the bottom. "This shit expired in 1985!"

"Same year Shinra got that candy corn," Cid muttered, smothering a cough. "Awful fucking year."

Yuffie glared at him. "Yeah, I bet you'd know, you old fart. What were you doing in 1985? Graduating from college?"

"Call me old one more time and I'll throw you outside and sacrifice you to the storm,” Cid hissed.

"Don't bother," Red said. "The storm would just spit her back out at us."

Cloud and Aerith walked into the kitchen with Tifa in tow, putting an end to their argument. "Hey guys," Tifa wheezed.

"Where the hell have you been?" Barret barked. "We were worried sick!"

"I didn't—" Tifa coughed. "I didn't want to eat the candy corn again."

Though Tifa's sacrifice was noble, it came at the expense of her health. By the evening, she was running a fever. The rest of them weren't feeling too hot either, having walked around in soaked clothes for an entire evening. The only ones who escaped unscathed were Red and Cait Sith, who were better equipped to handle the elements and the lack of nutrient-dense food. Even Cloud and Aerith, the most resilient of the humans (by virtue of their physiology, both genetic and otherwise) soon fell ill as well. The gang went back up to the bedroom and passed the thermometer around, sanitizing it between uses. Tifa had the highest score by far.

Tifa laid on the futon and stared at the window. She could see the storm through the cracks between the boards. Her head swam with the force of her fever. "We're never gonna leave this damn place,” she cried. "This is it. This is where we die..."

Beside her, Cloud moaned. "I knew it..." He pulled the blankets up to his chin. "I knew I'd never escape this stupid town..."

Aerith laid on Tifa's other side, completely passed out. The witch's hat on her face made for the perfect pseudo-sleeping mask. The others sat around the room, coughing and wheezing. Cid had fallen asleep in the corner. Yuffie and Barret sat on the ground and played a contentious game of Go Fish, egged on by Cait Sith, who seemed to be taking relish in their frustration. Red milled around the room, having been given the arduous task of caring for them all.

"Got any kings?" Barret wheezed.

"No," she moaned, not bothering to look at her hand. "Go fish."

Barret threw his cards on the ground. "Oh dear," Cait Sith sang, "what terrible showmanship."

"Go away, you stupid cat!" Barret yelled. "I liked it better when you weren't here!"

"Yeah, seriously," Yuffie muttered.

Cloud clutched his head and curled into the fetal position. Yesterday's events had done a real number on his noggin. " _Stop yelling!_ "

"You're the one who agreed to let him come!" Barret boomed. "This is your fault!"

"You wanted me here, remember? All that complaining you did?" Cait Sith peeked at Yuffie's cards. "You cheater! You have kings!"

Yuffie threw her cards in his face. Just as Barret reached for Cait Sith, ready to throw him into the garbage (that was full of snotty tissues), something sounded from the hallway.

The sound was strange enough that it startled both Cid and Aerith, who had long tuned out their teammates. Aerith threw the hat off her face. "Wha's goin' on?" she mumbled.

The sounds got louder. They weren't sure where it was coming from, but it sounded an awful lot like footsteps.

"Fuck me," Cid groaned, "I bet it's that weird guy we found in the basement."

" _Weird guy?_ " Yuffie asked. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You said you didn't find anybody down there," Aerith grumbled.

Tifa turned onto her side and tried to roll off the futon. "We should go make friends with them!" she slurred in a high-pitched voice. "We can give them the candy corn—"

"Alright, let's go check it out," Barret sniffed. "Red, look after Tifa."

The others got up and grabbed their weapons. Aerith put her new favourite hat on. Red settled beside Tifa, who promptly wrapped her limbs around him and cuddled him like a teddy bear. "Nanaki, you're so soft..." Tifa rubbed her face against his fur. "Help me grab the candy—"

The rest of them piled into the hallway, swaying in tandem with each other. Cloud, Aerith and Cid used their sizeable weapons as walking sticks. The others dragged themselves against the sticky walls and held the wainscotting for balance. "S'not here," Aerith mumbled, still half-asleep, "must be in the froyo— the ferber— the... front place..."

The sounds became clearer as they moved closer to the foyer. "Didn't think we'd get stuck here of all places," somebody said. " _Fuck_ , our luck has been bad lately."

"First the crash and now this," a female voice moaned. "I'm so tired!"

"Yes, well," a deeper voice said, "we make do with what we have. And right now, this is what we have."

The first person groaned. "They couldn't put us up in the inn? Force somebody else to leave? Shinra owns this fucking town—"

"For the last time, _no_." The fourth voice spoke with authority. "HQ would never let us expense those ridiculous fees."

"Why would we need to pay the fees?! Like I said—"

"The innkeeper is the CFO's cousin's grandniece," they said. "She would never agree to host us for free. She takes pleasure in bilking her customers."

"Like she'd have a choice!"

"This is not up for debate."

"Maybe it won't be that bad?" The female voice sounded hesitantly optimistic. "At least there's beds!"

" _That bad?_ This place is notorious for being a shithole!"

The gang reached the front foyer and peered over the railing. Even in their delirious state, they would recognize those four anywhere.

"Hey assholes!" Cloud grabbed the railing to stop himself from collapsing. "We've got dibs. Get the fuck out."

Below them, in the foyer, stood the Turks. They looked like they'd been through hell — soaked to the bone, covered in scratches and scorch marks — yet they seemed perfectly composed, which irritated the gang, since it made them look like absolute disasters in comparison. Cloud and Aerith shined their flashlights in the Turks' faces out of pure pettiness, taking joy in Reno's swearing and Elena's flinching. Tseng and Rude didn't react, of course, because they didn't react to much of anything.

Reno shielded his eyes. "Oh, you gotta be kidding me," he muttered. "This house belongs to Shinra! _You_ get the fuck out!"

Cait Sith responded first, taking everybody by surprise. "For a company property, you've been taking terrible care of it. When was the last time you inspected this place?"

The others turned to Cait Sith, eyes wide. They'd never heard him speak like that. "The hell?" Barret muttered.

Elena squinted. "... Is that a cat?"

"Who the fuck do you think you are, you stupid cat? It's still ours!" Reno flipped him off. "If we leave it to rot, that's our business!"

"Finders keepers! We were here first!" Aerith yelled.

Reno sneered and pulled out his rod, ready to whap them into submission, until Tseng stole it right out of his hands. "Hey, what the hell!"

"Don't be absurd. Look at them."

The gang scowled and puffed themselves up, but it was too late. Their wrinkled clothing, thin blankets, sickly complexions and snotty noses made for a sad sight, and they all knew it. Barret chose that exact moment to sneeze, confirming their sorry state.

"Hey!" Cid yelled. "Don't you dare pity us!"

The Turks glanced at each other and shrugged. "Truce?" Rude said. "Extenuating circumstances."

"Just for tonight," Elena said. "All bets are off tomorrow."

"Yeah, sure, truce!" Yuffie grinned. "Plenty of room in the basement for you guys!"

Rude frowned. "Basement?"

They chose that moment to get out of dodge. "Go, go!" Cloud yelled, ushering them back into the hallway. They locked the door just as somebody reached the top of the stairs.

Reno banged on the door. "Assholes! Let us in!"

"Reno, get down here," Tseng commanded. "Help us look for the master key."

They leaned against the door, huffing from exertion. "Master key?" Yuffie mouthed, clutching her chest.

Aerith reached into her pocket and pulled out the key she'd found in the living room. "This one?"

" _Nice_ ," Cid whispered. “They're screwed."

They stayed put, catching their breath, until they heard Reno yell, "Yo, wheredid the key go?"

"C'mon, let's go back," Cloud said. "We'll take turns doing watch so they don't kill us in our sleep."

They stumbled back into the bedroom and nearly tripped over Tifa, who had collapsed in the doorway, surrounded by spilled bags of candy corn. Red was trying to tug her back in by her shirt. "Sorry," Red growled, "she wanted to help."

Cloud picked Tifa up and deposited her back on the futon. The rest of them played a quick game of rock-paper-scissors to determine the watch (first Barret, then Yuffie, then Cid). Barret set himself up by the door as the others crawled onto the futon. They quickly fell asleep, tuckered out by their adventure.

Their dreams were a welcome distraction from the chaos that (literally) rained around them. At least, they _were_ , until Aerith was rudely pulled out of paradise by Tifa trying to crawl over her. "Wha—"

"I forgot my wallet in the kitchen," Tifa moaned. "I gotta—"

"Don't worry, I'll go get it." Aerith patted Tifa's hot forehead. "Go back to sleep."

"Okay," she slurred. "I love you."

Aerith slid out of bed and stepped around the futon. Her staff and flashlight were right where she left them. Barret leaned against the far wall, snoring up a storm. She snuck past him and carefully opened the door.

What time was it? 11 PM? Noon? Aerith had no idea. She snuck down the hallway, trying to make as little noise as possible. The distant thunder blended in with the sounds of the creatures that laid behind the bedroom doors; the eerie music shot shivers up her spine.

Aerith slowly made her way down to the kitchen, pausing every few feet to check for a demon or a Turk. The kitchen was exactly how they'd left it, right down to the food left on the kitchen island. Tifa's wallet laid amongst the cherry candies and the cursed bottle of ranch sauce.

Where on earth had the Turks gone? Had they left? Aerith pocketed Tifa's wallet and a fig bar and made her way back up the stairs. She thought about snacking on the way back, but decided against it, just in case the smell attracted the spiders. The thought of them dancing around her ankles made her move even faster. However, something stopped her from moving further — just as she reached the hallway door, she heard a scream.

It came from the other side of the house. Was it the weird guy that Cid was talking about? Aerith wasn't quite sure what she was doing, but before she knew it, she was walking over to check it out. 

The sounds were coming from the basement. Aerith inspected the door — she'd never been down to the basement herself — and realized it was made of two panels: the first stone, the second wood. The wood panel had the same lock as all of the other doors in the house.

"Huh," Aerith murmured. "Is that how they kept people in?"

" _You!_ "

Aerith aimed her flashlight at the steps. Reno, a few meters away, hissed and stumbled back, stunned by the light. His appearance was truly startling. His clothes were torn; his skin was covered in deep scratches; his signature ponytail seemed to be missing. Blood poured out of his nose, staining his shirt a deep red.

He quickly regained his footing. "You assholes! You took the key!" He raced up the steps. "This is your fault—!"

Aerith slammed the door shut without a second thought. Reno slammed against it just as Aerith turned the key, locking him (and the rest of the Turks, she assumed) inside.

"Hey! Let us out! Hey—"

She walked away.

"There's something down here! Let us out! _Let us_ —"

The screams started anew. Reno's voice disappeared down the steps, as if he were dragged by something. Aerith whistled and walked to the nearest bathroom. His howls were (just barely) drowned out by the sound of the toilet as it flushed, taking the master key with it.

"Whoops." Aerith shrugged. "Hand slipped."

Aerith skipped to the bedroom, smiling from ear to ear. Every bad memory she had of the Turks — the stalking, the constant visits to her home, never having a moment to herself — was now made brighter by the sounds of their torment. The screams were still audible, even on the other side of the house; they shouldn't have been, that should've been impossible, but Aerith wasn't about to complain about it. She slipped back into bed and put her arms around Tifa, who wriggled in her grasp.

"Did you get my wallet?"

"Mhmm," Aerith hummed. "I put it in your bag."

"What's that sound?"

"Just the wind," Aerith assured her. "Go back to sleep."

* * *

Friday, January 13th, εγλ 0008

Aerith slept soundly — until the others couldn't. They stirred only a few hours later, startled by the intensifying screams.

"The hell is that noise?" Barret mumbled.

"Just the wind," Aerith said.

"Nah, that... that shit's something else," he said. "That sounds _human_."

Soon, they were all awake, shivering with fever. Their symptoms from yesterday had only been the beginning. They passed around the thermometer again; the lowest temperature in the room was Cid's, at 101.5°F. They so terribly wanted to rest, but they couldn't. Every time they tried to lay down and close their eyes, the screams started anew, shaking them from sleep.

"I can't do this..." Yuffie mumbled. The three pillows on top of her head did nothing to block out the sound. "I can't—"

Cloud moaned and turned onto his stomach, clutching his head. His skull pounded harder with each passing heartbeat.

Outside the window, the storm raged on. Three days and no relief; they were no closer to leaving than they had been on Wednesday. Truly, they were in hell.

Was the house haunted? Were those actually rats, or figments of their imagination? Was that blood smell new, or had it always been there? They had no idea. Their shared delirium had blurred the boundaries between reality and delusion, making them second-guess their senses, their sanity, and the very concept of their own existence. Red was the only (responsible) lucid being around, and even he grew tired of reassuring them all that, no, that tablecloth was just a tablecloth, and not a specter coming to enforce destiny and disrupt their lives. Where on earth had they gotten that idea? It made no sense. Cait Sith did nothing but encourage their hallucinations for his own amusement, which ended with Red's jaws around Cait Sith's neck.

Barret shook the bottle of expired painkillers in his hands. "'Antipyretic' my ass," he muttered. "We just gotta wait it out... gotta wait..."

Aerith was sprawled on top of Tifa and Cloud — head on Tifa's ample chest, legs on Cloud's torso. She'd somehow gotten herself into that position, and she was far too exhausted to get herself out of it. With every new scream, her smile grew wider.

"Why are you smiling so much?" Cloud rasped. "It's creeping me out."

"I did this," she sang. "This is because of _me_."

"What is?" Yuffie asked. "... The screams?"

Aerith nodded and hummed happily, as if the screams were the sweetest song she'd ever heard. The others frowned and glanced at each other, mildly concerned.

There was little to do but suffer. Sleep was impossible. Moving around was inadvisable. They didn't have the energy to hold up their cards or Cait Sith's impossible crossword puzzles. They told stories instead — the same ones they'd told each other on the arduous drive to Nibelheim. They were just delirious enough that the tales sounded brand new.

"... So anyway, we were... y'know... makin' out and stuff, whatever you kids call it these days," Barret slurred, recounting a story from his teenage days with Myrna. "Phone rings, I pick it up, guy says, I shit you not, 'what are you doin' with my daughter'—"

Cloud frowned. "But wasn't—"

"Yeah, Myrna's dad was _dead_ , died when we were kids... freaky, right? Scared the shit out of me... anyway, it was a wrong—"

"Wait, wait, wait," Aerith gestured wildly with her hands, "wait, wait—"

"We're waitin'," Cid drawled.

"Then who..." Aerith stared at the ceiling, trying to gather her words. "Then..." The fever made it quite difficult. "... who was..." She cleared her throat. "... who was phone?"

"That's a good question," Barret rasped. "Anyway—"

Tifa squinted, concentrating hard. Her mouth gaped like a fish as she tried to form her thoughts. "... Was it me?"

Yuffie groaned. "We need to go to the hospital."

Unfortunately, they had no choice but to stay put. The day came and went. By the evening, they were starving. They had made the terrible choice of keeping their food in the kitchen (where it belonged), and they had no choice but to trek down and get it.

Cid sat up. "Alright," he said, turning around to face the others on the bed. "Who feels like they can stand up?"

Everybody groaned and tested their own bodies. Yuffie rolled off of the futon. Aerith managed to stand up after three tries. Cloud sat up and clutched his pounding head. Tifa and Barret stayed where they were, too exhausted to move. Cait Sith sprung up, but Cid ignored him.

Cid had the lowest fever, so he decided to lead the charge. "Us four are on food duty," he announced. "Let's go. I'm not goin' alone, that's for damn sure."

Cloud, Aerith and Yuffie reluctantly shuffled out of the room. "Barret, Red, you're on Tifa duty," Cid said. "Take good care of her. She's the only reason we haven't starved to death yet."

That was a slightly hyperbolic statement (they'd only been there three days, and they had the candy corn as back-up), but they took their task seriously all the same. "Will do," Red replied.

The four of them made it down to the kitchen with no major incidents (Cloud fell down the stairs and smacked his head on the railing, but he seemed fine). Aerith walked into the room first and sat down at the kitchen table. She had wrapped herself in all of the spare blankets she could find, like a burrito, until the only thing visible was her face. The screams, louder in the kitchen, made her smile from ear to ear.

Cid stood in front of the kitchen island. He held onto its edge to keep himself steady. "'Kay, so we've got... Yuffie? You okay?"

Yuffie stood at the other end of the kitchen island. She stared off into the distance, not saying a word, as if her soul had departed and travelled elsewhere. Cloud brushed past her and leaned against the wall. Slowly, he slumped down, landing on the floor in a heap. He twitched with every new sound.

"It's the ghosts..." he muttered, "they're back..."

Cid turned around and grabbed a pot out of the cupboard. "How'd I end up being the responsible one? Jeez..." he muttered. He picked up the ramen noodles that Tifa had bought before everything went to shit. "Noodles. I can make noodles. I can..." He coughed into his blanket. "I can do this..."

He put the pot under the faucet and turned it on. What came out of the faucet wasn't water but a thick, greenish sludge. "The hell?" Cid muttered.

The sludge was thick enough that it didn't quite go down the drain the right way. The faucet began to make a loud, grinding sound. The noise was piercing enough that it shook everybody out of their haze. They turned and stared at Cid.

" _What did you do?_ " Yuffie screeched.

"I didn't do anything!" Cid rushed to close the tap. “I swear—“

Cloud stared at the sink with wide, bloodshot eyes. His voice was as clear as day. "It's the ghosts. They're back."

Cid turned to him. "The _fuck_ does that mean—"

The faucet exploded.

The mako-scented sludge sprayed in all directions, coating Cid in a layer of dark-green grime. He stumbled back and slid through the puddle that gathered at his feet. The slime got _everywhere_ — the counter, the sink, the stove, the western side of the kitchen island where Cid stood only seconds before. The grinding sound was loud enough that they nearly missed Red bursting into the room.

"Something's happening upstairs!" he huffed. "Something—"

The four of them watched Red slide across the floor, as if in slow motion. His tail dragged across the puddle of sludge, creating a trail of fire in his wake.

Cid jumped away from the puddle just in time to watch it ignite into flames. He stood there, shocked, as the weight of his own mortality pressed upon his shoulders. To his right, Aerith stumbled towards Yuffie, tearing the Materia bag (that Yuffie always kept on her person) off of Yuffie's body. She ripped into the bag and emerged with a glowing blue ball.

"I've got this!" she wheezed.

The powerful wave of ice magic descended upon the flames. It landed on top of the burning pile — and did nothing. If anything, it seemed to make the fire stronger. "I tried..."

The gang high-tailed it out of the kitchen just in time to avoid the fire that engulfed the kitchen. Above their heads, something stomped on the ground. Whatever it was, it sounded like it was tearing up the wooden floorboards. The four of them stared off to the side, towards the east wing — where the basementdoor was.

"What's that noise?" Yuffie gasped for air. "The Turks?"

Cloud ignored her question, not really giving a damn about the Turks one way or the other. However, he couldn't ignore the shiver that ran up his spine. He shook his head. "We gotta go find the others," he huffed, "they're still—"

Something roared.

The five of them looked at each other, shocked, before turning back to the staircase. Cloud aimed his flashlight at the top of the steps. Whatever was up there howled and clamoured back, stunned by the light. Cloud's stomach churned as he took in the sight of the beast.

He had never seen anything like it, and from the looks of the others, they hadn't either. The monster was grotesque, massive, distinctly inhuman, though it was shaped like one; it had dark purple skin, long legs, clawed feet, bull horns and massive wings that made it as wide as it was tall. The beast's most distinct feature, however, was its glowing red eyes.

Beside Cloud, Cid choked. They'd both seen those eyes before.

"Oh shit," Aerith whimpered.

The beast unfurled its wings and lunged at them.

They split into two. The beast tore down the right side of the steps before jumping off the ledge, leaping to the floor below; Cloud, Aerith and Yuffie sprinted up the left side of the staircase, praying the beast wouldn't see them. Cid tried to open the front door, but it wouldn't budge.

"Shit!" He rattled the handles. "Shit, shit, shit—"

Red grabbed his slime-soaked shirt and tugged, flinging Cid to the side. The beast leapt at them and missed them entirely, smacking against the front doors instead.

Cid and Red gulped as they got a _very_ close-up look of the beast. It looked even more terrifying in the light of the growing kitchen fire. They froze, trapped between the beast and the kitchen; just as Red readied his claws, Aerith tripped and swore, bringing the beast's attention back to the top of the stairs.

The other three reached the second floor. Just as they cleared the last set of steps, the beast roared behind them. Yuffie scrambled past her teammates and ran towards the massive, ornate window that sat at the back of the stairs.

"Sorry!" she yelled. Cloud and Aerith watched as Yuffie dove through the window, disappearing into the stormy abyss. The window shattered into pieces, bringing the storm inside.

"Yuffie! No!" Aerith yelled. 

"Hey, what the hell!" Cloud shouted.

The beast flew above their heads and landed just short of the window. Aerith grabbed Cloud and pulled him into the bedroom hallway before the beast could spot them — or so she thought. The beast tore through the closed hallway door as if it were made of paper. They reached the end of the hallway just as Barret burst out of their bedroom.

"The hell is that thing?!" he yelled.

"How should we know?!" Cloud gasped. He and Aerith ducked behind Barret and collapsed on the ground as Barret unleashed his bullets. The adrenaline had nearly made them forget that they were still very, _very_ ill. Aerith crawled into the bedroom and emerged, some long moments later, with Tifa, Cait Sith, Cloud's sword, and her witch's hat. It took both her and Tifa to carry the sword in their sad states. "This thing is... so heavy..." Aerith wheezed. There was still more left in the room, but she had to sit down for a rest.

Cait Sith peeked out from underneath their legs. He caught one look at the bloodied, bullet-ridden beast and slumped over.

Barret glanced down and screamed, "You fuckin' coward! My left nut has more courage than you!"

Tifa examined the situation. Barret had his gun. Cloud had his ridiculous sword. Aerith had that piece of Ice Materia she'd swiped from Yuffie's bag. Tifa didn't have any weapons other than her fists, and going up to the beast didn't seem like the best idea, so she improvised. She grabbed Cait Sith's empty body and hurled it at the beast, who caught it in his jaws and munched.

"Uh oh," she slurred. "I didn't think that through..."

The beast crunched Cait Sith like a tin can and spat him back out at the gang, who just barely dodged his gnawed corpse. Cloud growled and picked up his sword. "Alright, that's it," he hissed. "You hurt my—"

He glanced at Cait Sith's mangled body. He wasn't exactly a friend, was he?

"... Nevermind, it doesn't matter," he muttered. He turned back to the beast and held his sword aloft. "Let's go, asshole!"

The beast huffed, ready to respond in kind, until Cid and Red appeared on the other side of the hallway. Cid waved his hands and distracted the beast, who turned on its heels and lunged back down the hallway. Cloud shoved past Barret and ran after it.

"Get back here, you fucking coward!" Cloud yelled, promptly tripping over his own feet. He picked himself back up and held his sword aloft, screaming like a madman down the hallway. Barret chased after him. The force of Barret's fever made him stumble down the hallway in a zigzag pattern.

"This is the craziest fever dream I've ever had," Tifa mumbled. She leaned against the sticky hallway and slumped down on the floor. "Jeez..."

Aerith looked at the bedroom, and then at Tifa. She abandoned the idea of grabbing the rest of their things and picked Tifa up instead. Aerith slung her over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She grunted as she tried to stand up straight. "You're so heavy!"

"I've been eating a lot of candy corn lately," Tifa admitted. Her face was pressed against Aerith's backside. “Is something on fire?”

Back at the other end of the hallway, Cid and Red ran back into the toasty-warm foyer, newly heated by the fire growing out of the kitchen. They ran towards the east wing, past the broken window, and stopped dead in their tracks.

Tseng stood in front of them, looking like an absolute madman. His mouth was bloody; his hair was a disaster; he'd somehow lost his pants. He bared his teeth at the beast, who huffed in response. Tseng stalked past Cid and Red as if they weren't even there. "Alright, you've got me." He smirked and unfurled Reno's rod with a flourish. "Let's go—"

The beast swept Tseng aside without a second thought. Cid and Red watched as his limp body flew over the railing, falling to the floor that had become engulfed in flames.

Cid and Red stared at the beast, trying to process what they had just seen. The beast roared, then unhinged its jaws, summoning a ball of energy in its mouth. They turned around and took off through the east doorway, just barely dodging the projectile. It went through the wall instead.

"Fight me— hey! Hey!" Cloud growled and squirmed as Barret picked him up by the collar and dragged him back into the hallway. He tore a random door open and threw Cloud inside.

"The hell are you doing!" Barret whispered. "You tryin' to get us all killed?!"

He set Cloud down and tore through his pockets for his flashlight. Cloud immediately crumpled on the ground. "I could take him," Cloud insisted, gasping for air. "I..." he coughed. "Asshole didn't tell us where the furnace was—"

"You think _that thing_ is the man in the coffin? You're nuts!" Barret hissed. "It's just some monster—"

"Same eyes!" Cloud said. "They have the same eyes! Didn't you notice?!"

The door swung open. They tensed and readied their weapons, but stood down once they saw who it was. "Hey," Aerith whispered. She walked into the room and set Tifa down on the floor.

"Hey," Barret replied, putting down his gun. Cloud set his sword back down beside him. "The hell are we, anyway? This isn't a bedroom."

"The fun room," Aerith whispered, "where I found the candy corn."

Barret glanced around, as if to ask where all of the fun was.

"What's the plan?" she asked.

"No clue," Barret rasped. "No energy left to fight..."

They all knew that feeling. Tifa could only mutter incoherently. Cloud kept gasping for air. Barret slumped against the wall, and Aerith took that moment to quickly run over and throw up in the sink. Aerith and Tifa didn't have any long-range weapons aside from the weak piece of Materia, and the rest of them could barely use the weapons that they had. If the beast found them, they were dead.

In a rare moment of coherency, Tifa began pitching a plan. "We can run back to the bedroom and jump out the window," she mumbled, "just hope for the best—"

Something creaked just outside the door. They heard footsteps. Heavy, inhuman footsteps.

The four of them glanced at each other, horrified, as the beast growled. "Are they dead?!" Cloud mouthed, referring to Cid and Red. Aerith folded her hands over her mouth and shook her head.

Barret issued orders under his breath. His leadership skills truly shined under pressure. "So we're gonna wait for it to reach the other end of the hallway," he whispered. "Thing's a bit dumb, so I think we can sneak past it and get to the foyer. Cool?"

They nodded and gathered in front of the door. Barret listened for the footsteps and waved his hand once he heard the beast pass. They gently opened the door and tried to sneak outside, but the beast, not quite as dumb as Barret thought it was, immediately turned to face them.

"Aw shit," Barret whimpered, as the beast wrenched its jaws open. "My bad—"

Aerith grabbed the Ice Materia in her pocket and spun on her heels. Fuelled purely by adrenaline, she hurled a sheet of ice towards the beast. It had a much stronger effect than it had against the kitchen fire; the beast froze in place, moments before it was about to unleash another energy ball.

Unfortunately, the force of Aerith's spell forced some of the nearby bedroom doors open. Spiders, slugs, skunks and raccoons poured out of the rooms, taking advantage of their newfound freedom. Whatever fight the four of them had left in them rapidly evaporated once they saw the largest of the spiders emerge from the bedroom. It rose on its hind legs and prepared to strike. Aerith hastily picked Tifa back up and chased after the others, who had taken off down the hallway.

They ran back into the foyer and sprinted across the stairway. Their shoes crunched on the glass that Yuffie had left behind in her grand escape. Something small and speedy shoved past them, huffing heavily; Aerith glanced behind her and saw a small blonde-haired woman run into the bedroom hallway.

"Elena! Elena, don't go in there!"

Reno ran after her. Cloud, leading the pack, shoulder-checked Reno as he raced past them. Reno lost his footing and stumbled over the railway; the exact same place Tseng had fallen only a short while before.

The bottom floor had become, from what they could see, entirely engulfed in flames. Aerith put Tifa down and ran to the railing. 

"Help!" All of the moxie had left him. He looked _terrified_ , just like them. Aerith almost felt sorry for him.

"Aerith, let's go!" Cloud yelled. "This place is gonna come down!"

"Those spiders are gonna eat us!" Barret said.

Aerith glanced at them, and then at Reno, who seemed to be begging her with everything but his words. She stretched out her hand, as if to help him up — but reeled back and punched him in the face instead.

Reno slid off the railing and fell to the floor below. Aerith picked Tifa back up and led the way to the east wing. "I just wanted to do that," she huffed.

None of them had the time to delve into her sudden crazy tendencies. They had to find a way to get out. "Let's use Tifa's idea," Barret said. "Find a window and jump! Look for one with bushes!"

The rooms in the east wing were all offices that, thankfully, had little haunting them (or perhaps they had, and the Turks had found that out the hard way). Cloud tore open the first door he found and approached the window that was already, funnily enough, wide open. There were certainly bushes underneath it, though they were hard to see through the storm — and they were already noticeably flat.

"Yo!" Cid yelled.

The others crowded Cloud and looked down. Cid and Red stood below them, utterly drenched. Cid held an extendable ladder in his hands.

"You're alive!" Aerith cried. "We thought you were dead!"

"Where did you get the ladder?!" Barret yelled. "And how the hell did you get down?" he asked Red. "You don't even have hands!"

"We stole it from somebody in town!" Cid yelled back. "Let's go before they notice it's gone!"

Cid extended the ladder and placed it up against the side of the house. The rain made their descent a little more precarious than it would be otherwise. Aerith and Tifa went down first. Aerith made it down with little trouble, but Tifa, still drunk on her fever, slipped and fell eight feet into the bushes below.

"She's fine!" Cid said, without checking to see if she was actually fine. "Let's keep goin'!"

Tifa moaned and crawled out of the bushes. Cloud came down next, followed by Barret. "Has anybody seen Yuffie?" Cloud asked. "Is she dead?"

"No clue," Cid said. "Maybe she went back to Wutai?"

They ran through the manor grounds as fast as their legs could take them. Their bare feet left muddy prints in the ground; their worn, paltry clothes quickly became soaked in the rain. Tifa couldn't keep up, so Aerith picked her back up again and slung her over her shoulder. Tifa was quickly becoming acquainted with the sight and feel of Aerith's ass.

"I just want this to end," Aerith huffed. "What did we do to deserve this?!"

Just as they reached the manor's driveway, a horn blared. It shocked them enough that they slid on the wet ground. Cid swore as he tripped over Red, landing face-first in the mud.

The pitch-black sedan merged seamlessly with their surroundings. They wouldn't have noticed it if it weren't for the headlights (and the blaring horn). Yuffie rolled down the window and stuck her head out. "Come on! We need to go!"

"Where did you get that car?!" Cloud yelled.

" _Don't ask stupid questions!_ " Yuffie screamed. "Just get in!"

The car was so small that Barret couldn't fit into it sitting up, so he unlatched the back seats and made a flat bed in the back. He climbed in through the trunk and laid flat on the ground. Cloud followed next, then Cid, then Red. Aerith hastily chucked Tifa into the back before climbing in herself.

They laid on top of each other like a bunch of sardines. The amount of mud between them all made for some particularly unpleasant sensations. Cloud grunted as Tifa's burning hot, half-comatose body pressed on top of him, shoving his tender back onto the (blunt) length of his sword. Aerith squirmed on top of Tifa, trying to make room for Red and his flaming tail (that should have gone out by now — how did it stay lit in the rain?). Their loud sneezes and tender coughs filled the air, turning the car into a den of germs.

"Alright, how do I work this thing?" Yuffie rasped.

"Er," Barret muttered, somewhere underneath Cid, "how many pedals you got on the bottom?"

"Um..." Yuffie felt around with her feet. "... two."

"Alright, cool," Barret said in a muffled voice. "Left means stop. Right means go. Put your feet on the left thing and jiggle the stick until you start movin'."

"That's the shittiest driving lesson I've ever heard," Cloud muttered.

Barret growled. "You wanna teach her?!"

"No, no, it's fine," Yuffie sniffed. "I've got it, um—"

The dashboard was filled with all sorts of fancy gadgets that the gang had never seen before. In the center console was a communications radio that sat where a regular radio would usually be. It had a Shinra emblem on it. "Jerry, do you read me?" the radio said. "Jerry, have you made contact with the Turks? Please respond—"

"Yuffie, gimme the receiver," Cloud said.

Yuffie frowned and looked back. Cloud was buried under two people and a person-dog, so she grabbed the receiver and flung the cord in his general direction. Cloud's cold, clammy hand emerged from underneath Tifa, as if he were a zombie surfacing from beneath the ground, and caught it. "Hey Shinra!" he yelled, trying to be heard from under his teammates. "The Turks are fucking dead! Over!"

"Cloud, hit it again." Barret waited until he heard the tell-tale 'boop' sound of the receiver turning on. "Shinra sucks! Avalanche rules!" He paused. "... 'Kay, that's it."

"Wait, wait, I wanna say something," Aerith said. Cloud hit the button. "Rufus's breath smells like dog food! And he's ugly!"

"Rufus Shinra is a fuckboy!" Cid yelled. "Red, you wanna say anything?"

"No thank you," Red said.

Static came through the speakers. "... What?" the radio said. "Jerry? What's going on?"

Yuffie smashed her fist into the radio until it stopped talking. The car rumbled as she experimented with the shift stick. It began to roll back. "No, um, wrong one," Yuffie mumbled to herself. She shifted it one more notch down. They began to inch forward. "Okay, that seems right," she nodded. "Here we go—"

Something landed on top of the car.

The vehicle dove towards the ground, giving way to the force of the... thing that had suddenly landed on its roof. The gang froze as they stared up at the massive dent on the ceiling. Nobody breathed. Nobody moved an inch. Aerith let out the tiniest of sneezes and began shaking with fear.

The car shook with the force of the thing's footsteps. Dribbles of blood, mixed with rain, ran down the windshield. Slowly, something appeared over the edge of the glass: a pair of glowing red eyes. They stared into the interior. The gang stared back, horrified.

The thing opened its mouth. The voice that came out was hoarse and harsh. " _Drive_."

And so they did.

Yuffie screamed and slammed her foot on the gas pedal. Whatever was on the top _wouldn't let go_ — Aerith stared at the ceiling, hand on her mouth, as the creature's long, nasty nails dug into the metal, fastening itself to the roof. The car bounced as Yuffie ran over something. It felt strangely like a human body, but they weren't about to stop and look.

They tore out of the manor's grounds. Only sheer luck kept them anchored to the earth; Yuffie cranked the wheel and drifted across the ground, avoiding the water tower by a mere inch. The force of her maneuvers made them collide with each other. Cid flew off of Barret and hit Red, who then smashed into Aerith, then Tifa, and then Cloud, whose head slammed onto the ground. He definitely had a concussion now, if he didn't have one already.

"I can't see anything!" Yuffie said.

"Use the wipers!" Cid said. "They're on the left!"

Yuffie pulled the left lever. Nothing happened, besides a faint clicking sound. " _That didn't do anything!_ "

"Well, I don't know!” Cid exclaimed. "Who here actually knows how to drive a car? Other than Ti—"

"Y'can use Wind Materia," Tifa slurred. “That always works in a pinch…”

The idea was ridiculous, but Yuffie was desperate enough to try it anyway. She dove behind the dashboard to search for her bag of Materia, and came up just in time to dodge the shitty truck they’d left outside of town. They screamed in tandem as Yuffie's irresponsible actions nearly smashed them to bits.

"I didn't think I'd die like this," Barret cried. "Oh, Marlene—"

"Hey guys," Yuffie said, “look outside."

They slowly came to a stop. Barret gingerly extracted himself from the mess of bodies and looked through the windshield. Nothing laid ahead of them beside bare fields and rolling hills — and clear skies, far off in the horizon. The rain was noticeably lighter than it had been in town.

"Mmm, are we there yet?" Tifa mumbled. "I'm hungry."

A strange, bright orb appeared in the distant sky. It took Yuffie a moment to recognize it for what it was — the _moon_. None of them had seen it in days.

"Wow," Aerith whispered. "It's beautiful."

For a second, everything finally felt okay. For a brief moment in time, they thought they had escaped the manor with their lives (and tenuous sanity) intact. And they _had_ , but the creature on their roof made them feel like they hadn't.

The... man... thing... climbed off of the roof. He looked noticeably more human in the moonlight (but not human enough to lower their hackles). He stood off to the side and brushed his clothes off. "Hello."

Yuffie was at a loss for words. None of her compatriots in the back had anything to say either.

"I'm Vincent."

They stared.

"I don't remember how I got here."

Yuffie waited for the others to speak up, but they stayed silent. She slowly inched over and opened the passenger's side door. "We're gonna go save the world," she croaked. "Wanna come?"

He pursed his lips. After a few seconds of deliberation, he nodded. The others watched as he climbed into the passenger's seat. Yuffie put the car in drive and drove off in (what she thought was) the general direction of Wutai. In reality, she was going the wrong way, but everybody was so distracted that they didn't notice for hours.

* * *

Sunday, January 15th, εγλ 0008

"Sorry," Vincent said. "I haven't eaten in thirty years."

Yuffie was amazed that such a stoic, uptight man could slurp his noodles so noisily.

All of their belongings had been left in the manor — their items, their spare weapons, and Cait Sith's mangled body. Only Yuffie had walked out with anything of value. She reluctantly sold her bag of Materia to pay for the group's new supplies. Her father might have been willing to buy her a new wardrobe, but he certainly wasn't willing to bankroll her new, strange friends.

They sat on the balcony of Yuffie's favourite ramen restaurant. The weather was the exact opposite of Nibelheim: sunny, gorgeous, with a warm, sweet-scented breeze. Yuffie sat in the middle of the table, directly across from Vincent, who was loudly slurping his noodles. The others crowded behind her and stared at Vincent with suspicious eyes. He may have not tried to kill them yet, but they couldn't let their guard down.

The waitress came by with the rest of their orders. After a series of strange looks, the gang reluctantly sat down at the table and ate their food like normal people. Vincent was too hungry to notice their distrust.

There was one upside, though: no Cait Sith. They hadn't seen him since the cursed Friday night at the manor. The gang almost knew true peace for two blissful days — until they arrived back at their hotel suite and found him waiting on the bed.

Tifa, first in the room, shrieked and swore. Cait Sith smiled in response. "You'll never get rid of me."

"What a shame," Cloud muttered. The others turned and glared at him. They'd never quite forgiven him for picking up the strange cat in the first place.

And so life went on. They made a full recovery in Wutai. Tifa sprang back from her two-day fever with little trouble. Cloud recovered from his sustained concussion with minor neurological deficits. They finally got to shower. The tiny Shinra car became scrap metal. The Turks were made to explain the state of the Shinra Manor to the company and the CFO, whose cousin’s grandniece was _very_ angry that her scam had (literally) gone up in flames. The Turks arrived in Wutai two days later and stared daggers at the gang every time they crossed paths. A week later, in the Forbidden Capital, Aerith was nearly killed by Sephiroth, but she dodged his blade in the nick of time and punched him in the face instead. Sephiroth flew into the lake below, much like Reno had fallen into the inferno.

The eight of them would then go on to save the world. Facing Sephiroth in his final form was terrifying, but honestly? After the manor, nothing fazed them. Besides, they had the beast on their side now.

**Author's Note:**

> Barret: *slaps roof of truck* this bad boy can fit so many eco-terrorists in it
> 
> This started off normal, then quickly went off the shits. If you made it to the end, I salute you. Please leave your thoughts below!


End file.
